Who Loves Ya, Baby?

For many people, the concept of self-love might seem foreign and bring up such images as tree-hugging hippies or stacks of self-help books. But, as many psychology studies attest, self-love and compassion are the keys for mental health and well-being and keeping depression and anxiety at bay. Cultivating these feelings of self-love, however, can at times be challenging, but well worth taking the time to explore.

Self-love is important, especially for those who work too hard at trying to achieve perfection, as perfectionism lends to self-criticism and that inner voice that is always saying “you could have done that much better.”  There is nothing wrong with doing things right but persecuting yourself for not achieving perfection ALL the time comes at a cost.  There are several illnesses, both mental and physical, associated with perfectionism, including, but not limited to: cancer, obesity and eating disorders, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety and a shorter life span.  Recovering from some of the more profound illnesses is more difficult when you are a perfectionist.  So, we now see that perfectionism and self-compassion or self-love are intricately linked together.

No one is ever going to love you more than you love yourself. In other words, until you are 100 percent happy and in love with YOU, no one else will be either. Do whatever it takes to increase your self-confidence, and love who you are (curly, frizzy hair, extra ten pounds and all). If you’re not connected to who you really are, how are you going to connect with someone else?

Everyone needs love in their life and you probably focus a lot of energy on loving other people — spouses, children and friends.  But where does your love come from? You might expect it to come from the people in your life that you care so much about, but you can’t control those people or what they think. And you might wind up very disappointed if you rely only on external sources for love.

What if there was a way to fuel your life with the love you needed and not have to rely on other people to do it? That’s where self-love comes in. Not only is it important to love yourself to fill in the gaps that other people may leave, but self-love can provide many benefits – both emotionally and physically.

Aside from just making you feel good, self-love can benefit your life by giving you:

• Greater Life Satisfaction. People who practice self-love display greater life satisfaction. Appreciating yourself helps you appreciate your life.  You will have more enjoyment in life and a more positive attitude toward the future when you hold yourself in high esteem and know you are fulfilling your own life’s purpose.
• Motivation for Healthy Habits. Self-love can motivate you to adopt healthy habits and take care of your physical self. Express your love for yourself by doing things that make you look and feel your best.
• Better Mental Health. For people who love themselves, mental health issues are more likely to resolve quickly — or less likely to develop altogether. Self-love can keep you from getting lost in your own head and going down a path toward negative thoughts and feelings. People who find themselves struggling with addiction or other mental health issues often need to develop a stronger positive relationship with themselves and find that self-love can help lead them out of their disorders.
• Reduction in Stress and Increase in Performance. Self-love reduces stress, lessens procrastination and reduces performance anxiety around deadlines. Without those last-minute doubts about yourself, you can complete projects with confidence and energy, rather than wasting it on procrastination and setting yourself up for failure.
• Better Able to Deal With Adversity. People who practice self-love rebound from adversity faster than those who wallow in self-loathing. You can’t control what life throws at you, but you can control your own response to it. People are able to handle life crises better and move on to good times faster when they feel good about themselves.

Loving yourself can create a joy you bring with you wherever you go.

Recognizing the value of self-love is the first step.  Adding more of it into your life is the next step in accomplishing improvements in every area of life.  You accomplish this by:

• Define Your Own Beauty. Don’t wait until you lose those stubborn 10 pounds or get the perfect hairstyle to love yourself.  Make the decision today to love yourself and change your focus on what’s important.   Start with just one small feature.  Accept it and embrace it.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s uniquely you.
• Change Your Self-Talk. The little voice inside your head that can drag you down when you make a mistake must be changed. You probably wouldn’t talk that way to someone you love, so why say it to yourself? Replace that negative self-talk with something positive and up-lifting. When you make a mistake, try a more encouraging phrase like, “It’s ok! I’ll just try harder next time.”
• Pamper Yourself. Be more aware of your physical condition and do things to comfort yourself. Wait for the water to get warm before washing your hands. Buy that new pair of comfortable slippers. Schedule a massage when you need to relax and escape, or when your back is achy. These are small ways you let yourself know that your comfort and well-being are important.

Learning to love yourself can be a very involved process, but it is well worth the time and energy. Making a conscious effort to improve your relationship with yourself will not only affect your life, but the lives of those around you.